EMMA GRACE
Mental Health Advocate
My Story
My journey with mental health began at an early age. I experienced depression and anxiety long before I knew of it. I struggled a lot with self-confidence and found myself conflicted about how I should think, feel and behave. How I’ve thought about it is it's the devil and the angel on each shoulder giving me opinions and suggestions on what choices and actions I should take. But instead, it’s the depression dragon and the mania monster. I myself have more acquaintance with the depression dragon but the mania monster had their time to shine in Tofino. I have only had one major manic episode which happened on a class trip. The result was 2 weeks of hospitalization and many adjustments to my lifestyle. During the episode I experienced psychosis, which unnerved me to know I could fall into the depths of a state so deep that I had no control of my body or my mind. Following the mania came a lengthy depression which lasted for about a year. I began to recover when I started exploring my passions, practicing more self-care and using music as a form of my self-expression. Depression has been very present in my life and has tried many times to persuade me to give up, I’ve been convinced a couple of times. But what has grounded me and helped me to find hope again is looking for hope within others, feeling connection and belonging, looking for joy everywhere, feeling hopeful for change and expressing myself through music. I’ve been working really hard to build my community and build a healthy relationship with myself. I’ve been practicing a lot of mindfulness and working on owning my emotions, working to understand my triggers and healing my barriers to connection because connection gives me hope.
How I feel about my diagnosis
Me. A human born with a chemical imbalance. You may think I am unlucky but in reality, I wouldn’t be myself if I didn't have a little mental health. My life would be different in so many ways I would probably have different brain waves. So maybe this genetic mistake was meant to take place so I could embrace the full taste of this place.
The message of this poem is that I feel my mental diagnosis gives me the chance to understand things I never would have otherwise. I fully embrace my diagnosis because I feel it is a part of me, contributing to my overall personality. Without bipolar I wouldn’t be me so why view my illness as something that has changed me rather than shaped me.
Emma Grace
CREATING
MY BIPOLAR BRAIN
The process began 10 months ago. I was inspired by a friend who had just finished an album to start my own. I started thinking of different ideas for my album when suddenly it hit me. My Bipolar Brain. I took my note book and wrote down 8 song titles that I felt reflected aspects of living with bipolar disorder. Once I had my vision I began writing. The words flowed out of me like I had been writing my music long before I began to think about it. My experiences filled me with insparation and excitement. I knew I was creating something that could break stigma. I contiuned to pull my experiences from the pit I had thrown them down. I threw them far away from mysdelf as an effort to cope with the trauma. But as I began to write about them I began to feel release and peace. After I had written the lyrics the next step was creating a tune. I picked up my ukulele and worked on finding the perfect chords to match the feeling of the song. Once I had lyrics and a tune the melody came naturally. Once I had completed a couple songs I started working with my friend and inspiration on recording. She helped me feel comfortable recording and gave me valuable tips and tricks. She pushed me in a great direction. But things change as always and I wento to another friend for help. He built up my music to what it is and helped guide me with my decisions. We spent many hours together recording and having fun. Within the 10 months I would experience an intense depression. From this depression came Get Up and Magnilia Tree. Writing Get Up helped me get up off the floor and get help. And my recovery in Magnolia house brought me my final song, Magnolia Tree, ending the album with the message "I'll be fine". Writing this album has helped in my recovery and in my self confidence. before I began this process I was unsure of where I wanted to focus my energy. But after this experience I know I want to spread hope and connection. And I am going to do this by telling my story and working towards becoming a peer support worker. My goal is to connect, inspire and break stigma.
THANKS
Thanks to Kelly Cameron for inspiring me with her beautiful album "The Witching Hour - kelpi" and beginning the recording process with me. Find her album on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/1lisKDVyjwTsAs6oCeKgT0?si=Ir1P0HCVQp6rDyKJg1FoNg Thanks to Devon Bird for all his amazing work with editing, recording, sound guidance and mastering my album. Couldn't have made something this great without you two. Endlessly grateful.